Since I began The Artist’s Way six weeks ago, I have been making excellent progress toward many of my larger goals and dreams. Here are a few of the positive steps I’ve taken during this time:
- I’ve begun writing and playing music more regularly again.
- I’ve started learning to play banjo.
- I had a jam session with three friends at the lakefront yesterday.
- I got paid to write music for the first time ever (not counting the tips, free drinks, and free meals I got doing small gigs in Austin), and this client plans to continue paying me to work on music with him.
- I have lost 6 pounds.
- I am playing tennis at least a few times a week and taking free private lessons with an amazing coach who is teaching me pro techniques and totally helping me elevate my game.
- I am establishing healthy habits and enjoying every day of my life more.
- I am getting down to the roots of my self-limiting beliefs, doubts, fears, and working to overcome them, to renew my entire worldview for the better.
This week in the program was about money. I’ve recently begun to get back in touch with the philanthropic visions I had for the future when I was newly wide-eyed and optimistic in the world. I am thinking about the fact that money is a tool which, like any other, can be used for evil or for good.
Money and power often corrupt the people who attain them, and those individuals have to fight to stay pure-hearted. I think we are seeing this with Barack Obama right now. We can’t know how pure-hearted he really is, but he does present himself as a man who leans toward the light. (Joseph Campbell said no one is pure light or pure dark, and the best we can hope to do is lean toward the light.) Now that he is in the penultimate position of power, his heart is being tested.
Will he be one of the rare leaders who resists the enticing lure of greed and ego? Will he defy the medical moneymakers who profit obscenely from human illness and death, the drugmakers who rake in billions by peddling often unnecessary, addictive drugs, and the corporations that reward the cutthroat minority for exploiting the demoralized majority? Or will he pander to lobbyists and the wealthy to ensure his re-election and future comfort? Will he remain pure-hearted and represent the people who believe in his integrity and ability to represent them and bring about meaningful change? We’ll see. All I can tell you, Mr. President, is Yes, We Can, and Yes, You Can. Don’t let us down. Don’t let yourself down.
Whatever success I have achieved or will achieve in this world, I will always fight to remain pure-hearted and resist the black hole of corruption, laziness, ego indulgence, and blind callousness that will inevitably begin to exert its gravity. I will lean toward the light, and if I have to, I will build a spaceship to rocket me away from the dark energy. Money can be used for great good. Money is not the root of all evil.
This week I noticed some self-sabotaging behavior creeping back in, and I brainstormed on the idea of sabotage in my morning pages today. Sabotage is destruction — the dark side of creation. Cameron says, “Answered prayers are scary. They imply responsibility. You asked for it. Now that you’ve got it, what are you going to do?”
I think that very often, what we are afraid of is our ability to continue living actively, positively, creatively. Sure, we can do it for a while, but can we do it for the rest of our lives? Self-sabotage is tearing down what you have built up because you are scared to rise to the new challenges it presents. It is running away from yourself because you are afraid you are not man or woman enough to live to your full capacity.
But the dark of destruction is no real escape from the light of creation. You’re going to have to work hard either way. Life is hard. The difference is that in destruction, you act reactively, passively, in response to the little (and big) emergencies you bring upon yourself. In creation, you act actively, positively, to propel forward the dreams that you envision for yourself and the world. Both require energy and work, but creation is more enjoyable and fulfilling. In destruction, your body hurts, your heart hurts, your mind hurts, and you contribute little good to those around you. In creation, your body sings, and you cast a glow of light around you. Destruction breeds and attracts more dark energy. Creation breeds and attracts light energy. Both amplify and shape the course of your life.
I am challenging myself not to fear my own growth, creative force, and success. I am challenging myself to welcome it with open arms, to get to know it, to let all that light into my heart. I believe that this is the right path for me.
